Quentin Fottrell
I want to live modestly and retire.
Dear Quentin
It is a happy marriage. Two of our teenage kids, aged 13 and 15, are attending summer camp. Both are well-balanced and have a good sense of humor. We pay $1,500 a week for this, but I am not complaining. This is a milestone for them, as we see it. It helps develop their social skills and prepares them to face the challenges of a turbulent world.
My salary is around $160,000 per year. This does not include commissions, which vary from year to year. The IRS taxed me a large chunk of my $90,000 commission last year. Our four-bedroom house in New Jersey will be paid for in around eight years.
She runs her own online cosmetic business and makes about $60,000 a year. She’s both a homemaker and a French teacher for local students. My wife has told me that she thinks of Kim Kardashian, not only because of the cosmetics company but also her lifestyle.
She goes on weekly dates with her friends. The call it “cocktail hour.” She still owes $10,000 on her credit card, which includes business expenses. She said, “You have to spend to earn money”, and would be paying off her card by the end of next month.
But it’s getting worse. Her lavish lifestyle is the problem. She spends $50-$90 for cocktail nights and has clothes in her wardrobe that she never wears. Two of my suits I wear every day to work when I’m in meetings and the third I keep for special occasions. All of the rest are shirts, chinos and jeans that I have bought at Banana Republic and on Amazon.
Amazon is where I save money on shirts. My wife posts on Instagram like she is a star of her own reality show. The differences between our financial habits and our marital relationship are taking their toll. I have a $800,000.00 401k and want to make sure we can retire comfortably and lead a modest lifestyle.
Every week I play two rounds of golf. This is my favorite way to relax. My friends meet there to have fun. It’s just me and two golfing buddies. My wife has a Nissan 6 years old and I have a Volvo 10 year-old. Although I would like to buy a Tesla, I am aware that my car is functional and takes me to where I need to be.
Am I being unreasonable?
Volvo-Driving Husband
My wife refused to let me buy the $40,000 car I wanted. Things got really weird
Dear Volvo Driver,
What if your wife Kim Kardashian is Tiger Woods. Because you’re both working towards your own dreams, I want to know. I will support both of you. You wife, a homemaker who also teaches French and sells cosmetics on the internet has a lucrative side business. She’s also raising her two children, while you spend the day at work. It’s no mean feat. She has one employee, unlike Kim Kardashian. She has a great entrepreneurial spirit, and I admire that.
Your social life must cost you both a lot. Golf is a great way to spend some time alone and connect with friends. Your wife’s credit card balance can be used to pay for an annual golf membership. I am sure there will also be other expenses, not to mention the cost of eating lunch or dinner in the clubhouse and drinking alcohol afterwards. It’s important that you and your wife have time to relax. You also need a life outside the home. You both deserve time out. You will both benefit by having community, whether that’s golf or drinks with your friends.
Your financial situation is good. Your joint income is over $200,000. You also have 401(k) and Social Security. When your kids are older, you may be able to downsize. You should have 529 savings plans set up for the college expenses of your children, and at least 6 months worth of living costs in emergency funds. Your credit cards should be paid off every month. It’s likely that your wife will do this and use her balance to increase credit-card points.
All successful relationships are built on communication and transparency. Try creating a household budget that has your income listed in one column, and your expenses in the other. You can then decide how much money you want to set aside each month for fun activities and what amount is appropriate to spend.
What percentage of her income comes from online work and what percent from tutoring? Ask a financial planner to analyze your wife’s expenditures and whether she should be using her credit card for too many of them. As part of managing your household budget, enlist the help of a financial adviser to crunch her business expenses and look at whether she is putting too many on credit card.
You should buy clothing that you’ll wear, and your wife will probably wear it at some point. Generally speaking, men are not as interested in fashion or clothing as women. You can’t expect that your wife will wear nothing but chinos, shirts and pants from Amazon or Banana Republic GPS for both work and leisure. The clothing of women tends to cost more than that of men. Not to perpetuate gender stereotypes, but to point out how women’s clothing is more diverse and interesting than men’s suits and ties.
A financial advisor could very well consider that you and your partner live a lavish lifestyle, as the term itself is subjective. Continue to spend time with your friends. This is money well-spent. Your marriage will benefit from time away and your having your own interests. Having a social network and community is good for mental health. The COVID has had a negative impact on social networks. Americans also spend more time at home with their kids and work longer than in previous generations. Research suggests that men also suffer from a lack of social networks more than women.
The Survey Center on American Life’s 2021 “The State of American Friendship : Changes, Challenges and Losses” report states that “Americans with more friends are happier about the friends they have.” Researchers reported that “Americans’ level of happiness increases as they accumulate more friends.” Only 29% of those who do not have any friends close to them are completely/very happy with the number they have. Majority (56%) people who have 4 or 5 close friends are completely/very happy. As the number of friendship increased, so did satisfaction. Personal, I value two or three friends more than 10 acquaintances.
Be interested in your friends, their work and lives. Your support will increase the stronger your social networks. Don’t judge each other. You think your wife is doing an excellent job with the kids and balancing her work life. She has also turned what was a potentially loss-making business into a profitable one. You may be glad that you did this comparison at some point. The next time you say to your golfing buddies that your spouse is New Jersey Kim Kardashian, or another celebrity of your choice, do it proudly and as a compliment.
Many readers write me to ask for advice on a variety of issues.
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Quentin Fottrell
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